Ex: Would you still be friends with them?

It’s really very tough whether or not the breakup was your decision. Cutting a person out of your life,  (your ex) someone you shared secrets with, hopes for the future, a bed, or even a home can be tremendously hard.

Staying in contact with an ex is much simpler as well as messier in today’s smartphone-centric, Facebook-addicted, Instagram-obsessed world.

There are many things to consider when the issue of talking to your ex occurs. Not the least of which is the state in which your split occurred. If it was a respectful, mutual parting, it would be just fine to speak to your ex. If it was a messy breakup in which one or both partners feel deceived, the best path could be to just stay away.

And how do you decide whether to reach out or not?

To get the ball rolling, ask yourself a few easy questions. And honestly consider whether talking to your ex is a good idea.

Ask your friends

Since a relationship is so special, it is a highly complicated dilemma to ask whether you can speak to your ex. And it must be measured and finally addressed only after a detailed review of your relationship, your separation, and yourself. This specific problem often needs your friends. They will often share knowledge that you might not be able to see at the moment.

How did the Relationship end?

If the two of you ended up on agreeable-even friendly-terms, it would be okay to reach out. But if your relationship ended on a bad note, then it won’t be a great idea to contact them. It will just ruin everything again.

Why do you want to contact your ex?

The two of you broke up, but you’re still in love with your ex. And reaching out might extend the inevitable process of breakup, especially if the breakup was triggered by your ex. If you, however, initiated the decision, it would make sense to reach out to them.

What would you like to happen?

Are you planning to apologise? Or a tearful reunion? Or just a fight? Although it is fair to want some closure, your ex might not be willing to speak or might not be amicable in his or her voice.

Are you in a position that’s safe?

Instead, consider reaching out to a trustworthy family member or friend if you are emotionally or physically weak. It may be detrimental to your mental wellbeing to reach out to an ex without realizing the outcome. It could be less risky to reach out if you are in a good position.

Before reaching for your phone, thinking about all the potential repercussions. That will help you prevent lots of discomfort and even humiliation if your ex is unkind or unresponsive.

After you reach out as well, imagine what could happen next. Think it through if the attempt to communicate goes well: what then? What is the intention of your reaching out to your ex? Are you going to have an extended conversation? How are you hoping to get out?

Analyse your own motivation

Evaluating your own motivation is one of the most critical factors in deciding whether or not you can reach out to an ex. This can be a difficult thing to do. Because people sometimes fail to be truthful with themselves about the “why” behind their acts. Or when they want something too much to stay rational, they can find the “why” hard to ascertain.

You would have a better understanding with this knowledge on whether or not your breakup was one that warrants further pursuit of your ex or one that would be best left alone.

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