Are you afraid to fall in love once again?

You can’t control who falls in love with you and who doesn’t. You have gone down this road before and it sucks.

Whether we know it or not, most of us are really afraid of being in love.
Most of us can tell the story of lost love, and the question, “Why do relationships fail?” lingers heavily in the back of our minds. It is possible to find the answer inside all of us. While our fears can manifest themselves in various ways or show themselves at different stages of a relationship, we all harbour our defence mechanism.

So, what keeps us from finding the love we say or we want?

• New love renames the past.

When we enter into a partnership, we are not completely aware of how our past has affected us. Starting from our childhood the ways we were harmed in previous relationships have a profound impact on how we view the individuals, we get attached to as well as how we behave in our intimate relationships. Old, toxic dynamics might make us wary of opening up to anyone new to us. 

• Love does not hurt you, people do.

As you grow weary of this repetition of broken hearts, you start blaming love for all the pain it caused you. Love is probably the purest thing in the whole wide world. Love can’t hurt anyone, what hurts is a person who doesn’t know how to love. You pour everything you have in yourself to love them. After the betrayal, you realise, all this while you were watering a dead plant. And you keep on wondering what exactly went wrong.

• With real happiness comes real pain.

We should expect to feel a great amount of sorrow every time we truly experience true joy or feel the preciousness of life on an emotional level. Many of us are quiet about things that make us happier, because they make us feel pain, too. The reverse is true as well. Without numbing ourselves to joy, we should not selectively numb ourselves to sorrow. We may be reluctant to go “all in” when it comes to falling in love, for fear of the pain that it will stir up.

• Love is always unequal.

Many people I have spoken to have expressed concern about getting involved with someone, because that person “likes them too much.” They worry that their own feelings would not grow if they got involved with this person, and the other person would end up getting hurt or feeling rejected. The reality is that love is always imbalanced, with one person from moment to moment feeling more or less. An ever-changing force is our feelings about others. We can feel frustration, annoyance or even hate for an individual we love in a matter of seconds.

Worrying about how we will feel stops us from seeing where our emotions are going to go naturally. It’s best to be open to how, over time, our feelings grow. Allowing concern or remorse about how we may or may not feel stops us from getting to know someone who is interested in us and may deter us from developing a relationship that can really make us feel.

• It’s not luv rather it’s those “false hopes” that hurts.

You reminisce of how they made promises of a forever they never intended to keep. You keep thinking about those hugs that seemed to pause the time. Now, those memories keep flashing and you’re afraid to love someone all over again.

You see some people, they seem hopeless. It doesn’t matter what anyone tells you it’s definitely not your job to fix them. Because, the harder you try to fix the sharp edges, the chances are you’ll cut yourself.

But just accept the fact that – love is the strongest feeling and perhaps one day, when you expect it the least, you’ll meet someone who’ll listen to your talks all night, hold your hand while crossing the road and be there for you in your darkest days.

And just like that, you’ll know love does not hurt you, only the people who don’t know how to.

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