Understanding Relationship Betrayal and it’s Trauma

It’s not so much the extramarital sex or affair  that causes the most pain. For most people affected by sexual or emotional betrayal of a spouse. The fact that their confidence and belief in the person nearest to them has been broken is what hurts committed partners the most. The experience of profound and sudden deception can be highly stressful for a stable, attached primary partner.

Understanding Betrayal from its depth

Betrayal trauma emerges from the fact that, while the cheater has clearly been aware of his or her extracurricular sexual activity all along and may even feel reassured until the truth is exposed. The betrayed partner is all too often taken aback by this knowledge. Even if a partner is not absolutely fooled because he or she has any previous knowledge of the cheating. He or she is usually overwhelmed.

Consider what it would be like to live, sleep, and have sex with your best friend. The person with whom you co-parent your children and with whom you share your life, suddenly becomes unknown to you?

No wonder the traumatic effects of this kind of betrayal can last for a year or even more.

The Trauma of Betrayal

It’s also normal for a worried spouse to have had his or her truth denied for years by the unfaithful partner. And who maintains that he or she isn’t cheating. That he or she just does need to stay at work until midnight. Or that he or she isn’t acting odd or distant. And that the worried spouse is only being “paranoid, mistrustful, and unreasonable.”

In this way, deceived partners come to assume that they are the problem. They assume that their emotional dysfunction is the problem. And that they are to be blamed.

They gradually begin to doubt their own feelings. And instincts when presented with a web of lies and well-crafted defences. Their feelings and emotions are silenced in order for the cheater to continue to cheat.

No matter whether the betrayal happened in the past or in recent times, the person faces a lot of emotional baggage and outrageous attitude.Those emotions that mimic the discomfort they felt when the adultery occurred. The person stays the very same depressed being for a quite long time. The feeling of Hopelessness and helplessness remains stagnant until they re-establish their relationship with someone. 

Unfortunately, deceived spouses are frequently angry not only with their spouse, but also with themselves.

Some people turn to alcohol, overeating, compulsive exercise, spending, or other potentially self-destructive habits after becoming used to living with a physically present. But unreliable, unavailable, and eventually dishonest spouse.


Perhaps what matters most to betrayed partners, rather than whether they stay or go, is how they move on after this betrayal. For this form of injury, optimal recovery includes a renewed focus on cultivating and trusting one’s instincts. A greater ability to publicly share one’s feelings, ongoing peer support. And ensuring that self-care, self-nurturing, and an active social life are all prioritised.

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